I don't want 
to ever not remember
the sound of your voice 
how gently
you talked to me
how your words
kissed me from afar
even though
you cannot say them 
i don't want 
to ever not remember 
the love that lived



white clouds repeating
mountain kneeling
raindrop tears run down

candlelight sunrise
sandalwood breeze 
distant bell tolling

songless bird on branch




sunday morning
driving to zazen
cemetery intersection
makes me pause

sun shining
snow covered stones
i wonder if
the worms are warm


the damned

i once stepped through
a piece of glass
as a child walking
home from school
sanguine essence dripped
through my sole
through the gaping wound
of teeth and tongue
a demon entered
i've been a suicidal mystic
i've kissed god
and bitten his head off,
i've died a thousand hearts,
a thousand colors,
a thousand deaths of
sex, joy and sorrow
and still i walk
with narcotic precognition
through rehab,
through the vatican
through dante's hell
with visions of goddard
and kubirick keeping
journals of confession,
condemned saints
who shared my travels,
these are their trials,
histories and eulogies,
poetry is the tombstone
of experience,
nothing i write is my own


shadow dancer

This poem is my entry for the Valentine’s Poetry Writer’s Challenge at The Writer's Gallery website. It is a combination of personal experience and inspiration from the painting below that was painted by a dear friend of mine. If you would like to vote in the contest (each voter is entitled to 2 votes) you can do so at http://awritersgallery.wordpress.com/category/writers-challenges/valentines-poetry-writers-challenge/  Voting closes January 25.

shadow dancer

once walking through the woods
my mind dull and dreary
i paused to rest beside an oak
and lay my spirit weary

the orb of light hanging low
having all but given up
the endless sleep i sought
my soul had had enough

cradled by my spectral dreams
the skies began to darken
i wanted not for life
but only tombstone gardens

a song drifted through the trees
from slumber i was stirred
my nightmares interrupted
when a gypsy melody i heard

into the dusk a shadow danced
i stumbled quick to follow
enraptured by her mystery
in love i sought to wallow

to another place she led me
aurora trails in her wake
when over roses danced
my chest began to quake

the closer i gained the more i saw
the darkness she had drawn within
the 'lectric hue i saw around
came from beneath her skin

at last she stopped within a glen
and let me sit beside her
she settled down beside a pool
the moon had made a mirror

in her eclipse i saw a beauty
unlike any ever seen
as if conspired by the fates
knew we were meant to be

tenderly she looked at me
a smile drawn upon my face
i looked at the reflecting pool
to see the couple that we'd make

what spell had i befallen
how could this sight be true
when looking in the mirror
the shadows there were two

shaken by this revelation
my heart began to skip
i woke beside the lonesome oak
covered in a mist

it couldn't be a dream i wailed
this happiness i felt
a love like none i'd ever known
my spirit broken wept

a flicker in the darkness
that same electric blue
how could i love another
before myself i never knew


the unsin

you see a stillness
almost marvel
at the tranquility
reassurances offered
genuinely meant
inside an anxiety
a tempest brewing
the pounding of pulse
echoes from eardrums
consumed by fantasy
to feel the warmth
of blood as it washes
the unsin from my hands



i wish i could answer
how much time
was the right time
to be apart
i wish i could judge
(and less myself)
between being alone
and being forgotten
that's part of the
that makes me who
i am
and why we need to
take things
after hearing the opera
it's hard to hear
the silence
after feeling sunlight
it's all the more
so cold
questions that i ponder
in the space between
you and i


song without music

only wanted
to be wanted
when i was
pushed you away
them away
all away
left myself
alone to wander
left myself
alone to wonder
why it hurts
darkness grows
confess to the muse
tears begin to flow
the fool who played
the lovers game
should have stayed
alone and sane
love is not
for likes of you
ask the muse
she'll tell you too
you cannot be
without suffering
it's who you are
born to be
the bottle isn't
deep enough
waves have barely
gotten rough
kiss the children
say goodbye
go wander in
your moonlit sky
now laughing mad
at your own tears
wishing back
those early years
and all you threw
left yourself
alone to wander
left yourself
alone to wonder
why you hurt
the ones you love


the oceanside motel

15 May 1992

a movie plays inside his head
on ghastly memories the screen is fed
a troubled child with a fate pre-ordained
a liberating razor slides across his wrist
     without a single pain

new universe of solace found in a lover's arms
her skin was soft and her breast was warm
lying still in a bed in the dark
tears wash away the bitter memories
     from this child's aching heart

with morning came the clouded sun
the two that were separate had joined as one
just for a night his fears were lost and
     his cares were gone
just for a night the child fought his past
     and won